Turning point

Every day I think I get a little closer to a turning point that would be comparable to an epiphany. There's this kernel of knowledge in the back of my mind, something that I know I should be listening to and following, acting out, and yet I just can't quite bring myself to do it. Not yet. But every day I get nudged a little closer in that direction.

I think I spent the last part of my high school years and a good portion of time thereafter in a state between people that I felt I belonged with and people that I wanted to belong to. Somewhere along the line, I found a good group of people. Friends I really cared about and enjoyed spending time with. But the saying goes that all things must come to an end; sometimes this is a cause for celebration, and sometimes this is a cause for sorrow.

In any case, that left a gap of sorts, one that I've been trying to fill ever since. Instead of following the advice that I should have all along, I've tried to create structure after structure to replicate the one before. Naturally, success has been nowhere to be found. And instead of just going with what I knew all along, that I'm not in the right place, not with the right people, I've been trying to force the issue.

So it's time to round the bend. I can finally truly give up on trying to have friends in this city and feel good about doing it. If I meet a someone or two that I feel truly connected with, then great. In any case, I've finally figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life, so for now I'm just going to put my head down and get to it.