Getting back on track.

I'm going to try really, really hard to not sound cynical here.

People as a whole like to talk. I'm no different than most. I like to talk, like to discuss what's on my mind. I like to listen too though. Lately, I've done a fair amount of listening. That doesn't bother me.

What bothers me is that the way that I generally cope with feeling lost or confused is to spew out a number of random thoughts. A lot of times these thoughts are tied in to the very emotions that either cause confusion or are the result of being lost. And so what I say just ends up sounding stupid, ridiculous, or at worst just plain alienating to the person I'm trying to talk to. And by the time I reach a reasonable conclusion on where I am, where I'm going, or where I'm belong, I'm afraid that I've probably done some unnecessary damage.

Without getting into specifics, I am pretty sure I have a clear idea of what I want. Unfortunately, I am also pretty sure I can't get what I want for a few reasons. There are pretty clear conflicts in a few aspects of my life. I want out of my job, but switching to a different company could preclude me from going to school. Now that some time has passed since I split up with my now ex-girlfriend, I have a better idea of what I want out of my personal life. I don't really even want to get into that, but suffice it to say that it's probably pretty easy to trip up there, and I'll have all the grace of a paralyzed lemur in that regard anyhow.

Time to move on to the next question. How to make things happen. I can only hope that once I feel a few positive changes in my life that I'll actually be able to stay happy for more than 12 hours at a time.

Rant over. This week is going to be productive if it kills me. Poor Relanna's story has been waiting for over a decade to be put on paper.