Unfinished blurb

I was writing this on my lunch, didn't finish, and can't remember exactly where I was headed. I might continue it if I can. Also I lost my pen. Boo.

Every so often I get the feeling that I need to look for something. But I can't describe what that "something" is. Just an intangible feeling that something is missing from my life.

So I wonder now, is it an edifying search? Will I find fulfillment? Peace of mind? Perhaps I'm a lost soul (lonely soul!) wandering through a desert chasing mirages. And what's really missing is the sensation of entropy, a chaotic unraveling of life and mind. As if this search becomes an excuse to justify to myself some ultimately self-destructive behavior.

The truth likely lies in between these poles.

I'm not really a thrill seeker. Not in the sense of looking for extreme physical situations, like racing? I'll pass, thanks. Bungee jumping? No way. Skydiving? God forbid. You get the idea. But maybe lately I'm looking for something more emotional in nature. Plenty of people do, no doubt. Who doesn't feel euphoria upon falling in love with someone? Or having the special kind of conversation only the closest of friends can enjoy, not to mention the path to forming that bond. Maybe that's what I miss. It goes the other way too though.

Certain uncomfortable situations, painful even, get the blood pumping. Mind racing. Arguments, rejection, conflicts that common sense dictates we avoid. These things can provide enough peaks and valleys, emotionally, to make life interesting.