Blurb, part 2

So aggravated right now. But that's a different story for another time. To continue my thoughts from where I last left off, let me first expand slightly on my thrill seeking analogy. Racing, skydiving, these are manufactured situations. Controlled risk, but there is a risk, to be sure.

I think that's how I view people to some degree. A controlled risk. I'm an introvert, so it's not especially in my nature to go out and talk to people I'm not familiar with, much less seek out new people for this purpose. I like my circle of friends to be tightly knit. Definitely not a fan of having lots of acquaintances with whom I can share nothing deemed "too personal".

So when I push outside of my normal boundaries, that can be a manufactured thrill in an emotional sense. Although, that sounds almost cold, mechanical. And also sounds like it involves investing more of oneself than is healthy into basic human interactions. I suppose though if one is looking harness negativity, that's just how things are. Probably ties in with why I like to write stories about people with problems of all kinds. I'm trying to capture a moment of doubt and anguish, perhaps pain too, without the scars.

Maybe that's what I'm looking for. When I'm miserable, I look for something to make me happy. But when I'm reasonably content, I look for little ways to grasp the roots of unhappiness without letting go of what I currently have.

So it goes.